missing jude

how can the memory

of those 2-inch chubby

wrists

seem to lodge

itself

 in my throat

like a knot of

unwept silver?

i remember the

weight

of his desire to

see everything

from the vantage point of my

arms

and how his

expression

changing direction

and force

like a wandering summer

breeze

seemed to carry my heart

like a leaf.

whenever he

smiled

i could see the whole earth

under my feet

i was so high.

and when he cried

i felt the

air grow cold

and still

i lay,

low and heavy

waiting for the

next eddy

to lift me up

again.