i had so much fun celebrating jina's 30th this past month. it's a neat thing when you start to know someone better than you knew them the year before, and better yet when you find that you enjoy them more. God has given me an excellent roommate & friend in little jins, and i'm grateful. she's an amazing cook, a good process-the-day-with-er, a faithful confidant, and so much more....BUT THAT'S NOT WHY I LOVE HER! sigh. you had to be there. :) i also must admit that i love watching my friends come over to the 30-side of life. it has been so much fun over here, and i'm excited to see them step over, hoping that they too, will get to experience the slower, richer, deeper things in life even more. does any of this even make any sense? it is 11:06pm and my bed is calling. ("i hear you little, bed - i'm coming, i'll be right there!!!) okay, got places to be. over & out.
Friday, October 23, 2009
a little someone turns 30...
i had so much fun celebrating jina's 30th this past month. it's a neat thing when you start to know someone better than you knew them the year before, and better yet when you find that you enjoy them more. God has given me an excellent roommate & friend in little jins, and i'm grateful. she's an amazing cook, a good process-the-day-with-er, a faithful confidant, and so much more....BUT THAT'S NOT WHY I LOVE HER! sigh. you had to be there. :) i also must admit that i love watching my friends come over to the 30-side of life. it has been so much fun over here, and i'm excited to see them step over, hoping that they too, will get to experience the slower, richer, deeper things in life even more. does any of this even make any sense? it is 11:06pm and my bed is calling. ("i hear you little, bed - i'm coming, i'll be right there!!!) okay, got places to be. over & out.
come & rest...
being with these folks is so much fun....but in a resty sort of way. here's my favorite memory of the weekend at the "gruner grounds" - picture this; i'm standing over my brother in their new livingroom with fiskar scissors in hand giving him a haircut (think of painting a color-by-numbers picture with a huge roller brush...not...too....precise) - susan is playing hymns on her violin and is accompanied by kristina on piano and ld on guitar, and they are rockin out! brian leans over and whispers; "if the muppets were to come to life, i think this is what they'd look like." i burst into laughter because that exact thought had entered my mind not 2 seconds before... it was awesome. seeing the hawks hanging out with all our southern friends & fam was really cool too. they are so fun and adaptable! must have something to do with grace.... well that is all for now. beth p, if you're reading this - i miss you! let's hang out soon.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
the circus & the voice of God
went to a class last night in franklin. heard a former trapeze artist/circus owner talk about the voice of God. it was straight forward and pretty profound. to me... he spoke simply but there was a lot of good things - here is the boiled down version;
we can hear the voice of God. we really can.
a few things before step #1)
A. the Holy Spirit won't force you, he leads & guides us. we need to sit still - to be quiet, and to think, with the expecation that the Holy Spirit will guide our thoughts. (you will make mistakes - that's okay! moving towards more intimacy with him is far better that playing it safe and staying a safe distance away.) *another comfort; God will not say anything that doesn't line up with his word.
B. we can expect God to fulfill his promises. the Holy Spirit has promised to speak to us & to reveal the Father to us. without the Holy Spirit (HS), we cannot hear the "more wisdom" that God wants to give us (john 16:7). when the HS comes, we'll be ready (john 16:13). the HS was sent to reveal everything of the Father. some people can't handle this* ( I cor 2:9 *"this" being all the things that God has prepared for those who love him").
C. the problem isn't hearing (he is speaking!); it's like we're radio's that aren't tuned in or turned on. he is speaking, but we are not tuned in to hear. we need to learn the language and to practice, practice, practice. (this required time - committment - again, the HS is not going to force you, he leads & guides)
D. the language of the HS is "to show us"(pictures). over 230 times God reveals through visions & dreams. there is also the parables & the prophets who acted & lived out illustrations for us.
Okay, so about the 7 steps....
step #1. pray: "Holy Spirit, you promised that you would speak to me and reveal the Father to me" *this takes time. listening. if think he is telling you something, write it down (if it is from him, he will confirm it) *just a note; the bigger the revelation, the bigger the fight - and the longer the struggle. expect that and don't be discouraged by it.
step #2. peace: do you have peace with you meditate about it (not that you will constantly feel peace, but are there times when you can, and do?) you can practice what peace feels like and what anxiety feels like (think about God's goodness, his love for you, his acceptance of you...as you meditate and relax in that - notice the peace, then think about dark and difficult situations and things - notice the anxiety)
step #3. the Word: *always use the Word! (John 1:1-3) he will never tell you something that is in conflict with or contradicts his word (Heb 4:12) his word is living *always ask for at least 5 scriptures to confirm the decision - if a big decision, ask for more! then wait without anxiety - it is not your job to go dig through books & scriptures looking for the confirming scriptures - that is the job of the Holy Spirit. just do your regular reading, your daily devotions, etc and wait...
step #4. wise counsel: Proverbs 11:14, 12:15, 13:10, 15:22 (just a few) - *wise counsel is always plural. some terms; knowledge (raw data), understanding (i know how to use the data), wisdom (experience, i am actually doing it). when we seek wise counsel we need to look for a trustworthy person with experience in what we are asking them about. (sometimes he goes to his kids with a question, because they have the most wisdom/experience about the dilema). a spouse should definitely be consulted, but when the decision affects them as well, they cannot be considered your sole "wise counsel" because they are too involved - you both need to get outside counsel about the situation - someone who is not emotionally tied to the decision. *a note about wise counsel; the devil will want to get us to rush to make a decision - God is never in a hurry (unless it's a life/death situation).
step #5. circumstances: (Ephesians - the story about the macedonia trip "wide open door = many adversaries) be wary of circumstances, they can be used by God, but they can also be manipulated by satan and by us. because of this, circumstances (like what seems like an obvious open door or opportunity) should be taken last in the list of 7, and never by themselves! *see #7.
step #6. the supernatural: visions, dreams, trances, angels (can be demonic too* although he's experienced many supernatural experiences that were from God, some of his most intense spiritual experiences were demonic - and so he is not going to base his life on these things!). he did give a great example of how we should deal with supernatural confirmations; he and his wife had felt very stirred up; like they were being prepared to move - he got a call from a man who had met him once at a conference a year or two prior. the man said; "when i shook your hand, i felt like i got a word from the Lord, but that i was not released to tell you about it until now." he asked the man what the word was and the man said; "for some reason, you're supposed to move to nashville." his response? "great! when he tells me, i'll let you know." he then took that to the Lord and started going through these 7 steps. (the Lord eventually did confirm, but his point was that it would not have been wise or obedient for him to take that one "word" and to run with it).
steps #7. timing: timing is crucial. we deal with hours and days - when preparing us for big things, God often deals in decades. how do you find out what the timing is supposed to be? once God has confirmed a decision, you take that and ask "when do you want me to do this?" - and go through steps 1-6 again.
************************************************************
the main things i took away - expect more. much, much more. ask for more. spend much more time with him in his word and in talking & listening...and then wait for it....wait for it.....
we can hear the voice of God. we really can.
a few things before step #1)
A. the Holy Spirit won't force you, he leads & guides us. we need to sit still - to be quiet, and to think, with the expecation that the Holy Spirit will guide our thoughts. (you will make mistakes - that's okay! moving towards more intimacy with him is far better that playing it safe and staying a safe distance away.) *another comfort; God will not say anything that doesn't line up with his word.
B. we can expect God to fulfill his promises. the Holy Spirit has promised to speak to us & to reveal the Father to us. without the Holy Spirit (HS), we cannot hear the "more wisdom" that God wants to give us (john 16:7). when the HS comes, we'll be ready (john 16:13). the HS was sent to reveal everything of the Father. some people can't handle this* ( I cor 2:9 *"this" being all the things that God has prepared for those who love him").
C. the problem isn't hearing (he is speaking!); it's like we're radio's that aren't tuned in or turned on. he is speaking, but we are not tuned in to hear. we need to learn the language and to practice, practice, practice. (this required time - committment - again, the HS is not going to force you, he leads & guides)
D. the language of the HS is "to show us"(pictures). over 230 times God reveals through visions & dreams. there is also the parables & the prophets who acted & lived out illustrations for us.
Okay, so about the 7 steps....
step #1. pray: "Holy Spirit, you promised that you would speak to me and reveal the Father to me" *this takes time. listening. if think he is telling you something, write it down (if it is from him, he will confirm it) *just a note; the bigger the revelation, the bigger the fight - and the longer the struggle. expect that and don't be discouraged by it.
step #2. peace: do you have peace with you meditate about it (not that you will constantly feel peace, but are there times when you can, and do?) you can practice what peace feels like and what anxiety feels like (think about God's goodness, his love for you, his acceptance of you...as you meditate and relax in that - notice the peace, then think about dark and difficult situations and things - notice the anxiety)
step #3. the Word: *always use the Word! (John 1:1-3) he will never tell you something that is in conflict with or contradicts his word (Heb 4:12) his word is living *always ask for at least 5 scriptures to confirm the decision - if a big decision, ask for more! then wait without anxiety - it is not your job to go dig through books & scriptures looking for the confirming scriptures - that is the job of the Holy Spirit. just do your regular reading, your daily devotions, etc and wait...
step #4. wise counsel: Proverbs 11:14, 12:15, 13:10, 15:22 (just a few) - *wise counsel is always plural. some terms; knowledge (raw data), understanding (i know how to use the data), wisdom (experience, i am actually doing it). when we seek wise counsel we need to look for a trustworthy person with experience in what we are asking them about. (sometimes he goes to his kids with a question, because they have the most wisdom/experience about the dilema). a spouse should definitely be consulted, but when the decision affects them as well, they cannot be considered your sole "wise counsel" because they are too involved - you both need to get outside counsel about the situation - someone who is not emotionally tied to the decision. *a note about wise counsel; the devil will want to get us to rush to make a decision - God is never in a hurry (unless it's a life/death situation).
step #5. circumstances: (Ephesians - the story about the macedonia trip "wide open door = many adversaries) be wary of circumstances, they can be used by God, but they can also be manipulated by satan and by us. because of this, circumstances (like what seems like an obvious open door or opportunity) should be taken last in the list of 7, and never by themselves! *see #7.
step #6. the supernatural: visions, dreams, trances, angels (can be demonic too* although he's experienced many supernatural experiences that were from God, some of his most intense spiritual experiences were demonic - and so he is not going to base his life on these things!). he did give a great example of how we should deal with supernatural confirmations; he and his wife had felt very stirred up; like they were being prepared to move - he got a call from a man who had met him once at a conference a year or two prior. the man said; "when i shook your hand, i felt like i got a word from the Lord, but that i was not released to tell you about it until now." he asked the man what the word was and the man said; "for some reason, you're supposed to move to nashville." his response? "great! when he tells me, i'll let you know." he then took that to the Lord and started going through these 7 steps. (the Lord eventually did confirm, but his point was that it would not have been wise or obedient for him to take that one "word" and to run with it).
steps #7. timing: timing is crucial. we deal with hours and days - when preparing us for big things, God often deals in decades. how do you find out what the timing is supposed to be? once God has confirmed a decision, you take that and ask "when do you want me to do this?" - and go through steps 1-6 again.
************************************************************
the main things i took away - expect more. much, much more. ask for more. spend much more time with him in his word and in talking & listening...and then wait for it....wait for it.....
Friday, September 25, 2009
a california nephew
so jins & i were talking last night (exclaiming over the picture linda sent of little jude) - and we were amazed at how much a baby can look so much like one side of the family and so much like the other at the same time. (serously see so much kimmel in jude - and so much whitacre!) you don't really see it until you're looking at a baby & you know both sides of the family really well... what do you think?
(i think he's adorable.) i can't believe that he's finally here. i've heard so many stories throughout this process (thanks to linda & mom) but really miss being there and being a part of this with them. couldn't be more proud of jill & tim for how they have grace for one another & deal with life as a team. missing lil jude SO MUCH already. praying for his life....
well it's just awesome to be an aunt - love that i am also an "a.j." - just like my aunt joyce.
counting the days till thanksgiving!!!!
(i think he's adorable.) i can't believe that he's finally here. i've heard so many stories throughout this process (thanks to linda & mom) but really miss being there and being a part of this with them. couldn't be more proud of jill & tim for how they have grace for one another & deal with life as a team. missing lil jude SO MUCH already. praying for his life....
sigh.......
well it's just awesome to be an aunt - love that i am also an "a.j." - just like my aunt joyce.
counting the days till thanksgiving!!!!
Friday, September 11, 2009
goodbye to james
last night I walked in to a warm kitchen full of amazing smells (dinner by laura & jina), and to the sight of james...white and quiet at the bottom of his bowl. it was good to have my friends there. i thanked him for being such a good fish - remembered the highlights of his life & how much i enjoyed him. then we poured him into a cup and sang;
this is my Father's world,
and to my listening ears
all nature sings, and round me rings
the music of the spheres.
this is my Father's world:
i rest me in the thought
of rocks and trees, of skies and seas;
his hand the wonders wrought.
this is my Father's world,
and to my listening ears
all nature sings, and round me rings
the music of the spheres.
this is my Father's world:
i rest me in the thought
of rocks and trees, of skies and seas;
his hand the wonders wrought.
appropriate to remember that God loves his creation and that it is all his. james was over 3 years old. that's a decent lifespan for a fish. thankful that he's not suffering anymore and remembering the good ol' days when he was bright and feisty and friendly and when he'd recognize me (my hair, i think) and come swim over to my edge of the bowl to just watch me & hang out. we were good friends, and i'll miss him.
i don't know if animals go to heaven or not, but if they do - this might be what our reunion looks like (but james is MUCH prettier, and i'm not a boy). i think this fish was so excited to see his old friend that he just bowled him over, and is giving him a great big ol' hello....
i don't know if animals go to heaven or not, but if they do - this might be what our reunion looks like (but james is MUCH prettier, and i'm not a boy). i think this fish was so excited to see his old friend that he just bowled him over, and is giving him a great big ol' hello....
Monday, September 7, 2009
old stone fort and young bruised up women...
lots of scrapings and scratches & bruises - but minor. trifling little annoyances in comparison to the amazing experience of waterfalls and blue heron & cliff-jumping & red capped mushrooms on a perfect fall-ish day with a few amazing incredible women by my side.
like proper hobbits, we had TWO scumpcious lunches (3.5 points each - thanks jins). andrea has the best memento; a killer bruise on one knee (seriously worth showing off today andrea - i'd wear shorts!). cliff jumping with kp was a highlight; knot-in-the-stomach scary but so exhilarating once over the edge! into clear deep blue/green water with waterfalls to your right. it was so beautiful.
just just now i'm reminded of a cliff jump at big sur 6 or 7 years ago; from a higher height - the water a deeper blue - sunlight dusting out hundreds of brilliant winking diamonds across the surface of the water. that one was a hard one to jump, but i was given a picture and a promise just before threw myself over the edge; the deep dark clear water was the symbol of my fear - and jesus was saying; "you can jump right into the center of your fear - i'm already there and i'm going in with you; i will NEVER leave you or forsake you." i had already been sitting there for what seemed like 5 minutes already...trying to calm the freaking-out child within. after that promise i was still scared, but i immediately jumped in with abandon & JOY. it was awesome. he has kept that promise that he whispered to me in a deeper way than i ever dreamed. and i think this is still only the surface.
so the weekend is not even done yet, and i am full of good memories already. i have not even touched on the night before old stone fort - music round the campfire, a man who sings like a girl, the cheese tent (so-bad!), sweet potato pancakes (thanks to sweet tori) & peaches, the maple syrup shortage, the general losted-ness that added many minutes to the trip & much mayhem....
sigh...sometimes it's too much to fit in a blog. suffice to say, it was a wonderful weekend.
remind me to tell you about jazz music and the walking bridge proposal. clumpie's ice cream too...
one last shout-out to the women below (sans jina who is taking the shot);
it was so awesome to hang out with ya'll! remember that skipping rocks does not have to be a competitive sport, although it is much more hilARious when it is. You are all rock-skipping, knee-scraping, cliff-jumping jewels in my book. thanks for sharing your weekend with me.
Friday, August 28, 2009
about prayer & your whole freakin life changing...
the few notes i took from dr. m_'s talk at s___ a few weeks back:
so just a little on my thoughts afterwards; i was so excited! i would LOVE to be part of this. partly on a purely selfish level - (who doesn't want more healing?), and then also to be able to participate with the healing of others. it is amazing to think of the combination of two things i feel so passionate about; counseling & prayer. the thought of God using my skills & desires NOW, in a simple and humble setting, instead of having to wait for 5 or 6 years down the road when i've finally got a counseling degree is just...awesome. i don't know if He WILL call me into this or not, but it is such a hopeful thing to realize that He can do unexpected and delightful things with my life. and i'm out...
- The general topic being addressed at the Friday morning presentation was "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in Refugees."
- The regular staff there at S__ presented 3 "typical" cases. One of these was the story of a man whose chief complaint was a hurt knee. The man's knee had become injured when he jumped from a truck of men that had been rounded up to be tortured & killed.
- The general question being posed was; 'how do we deal with the deeper spiritual pain & trauma when patients are coming to us with manifestations of it that are coming out physically?' (Some of the patients have very severe pain that can't be explained medically, but are unwilling or unable to talk about the emotional or spiritual roots of the problem)
- Dr. M__ first asked; "How do you at Siloam prepare yourselves each day to deal with this? He went on to talk about soaking in the love of Christ every morning for ourselves so that we can have something to give. (It's only as we are loved...)
- He then said; "We want to tell them; 'Just because you made a mistake, it doesn't mean you are a mistake. God doesn't know you by your history, but He knows you by your destiny.'
- Many of these people have a condition called alexithymia (? maybe? something about a lack of words for emotional issues) - in childhood or these traumatic situations when they have expressed pain, they have been ignored or shamed. Because of this they don't deal in the emotional realm - they can only express pain in physical terms - they have so many levels of defense, it's hard to get down to what is really going on. It takes a while to know they can trust you & get down to the real issues. (Many patients are afraid that if they talk about the horror/abuse that happened in their home country that they will be deported or "turned in." - They have to be assured that the staff is not going to send them back - doesn't even have the power to and has no desire to.)
- Somebody there expressed some frustration at this point and said; "It's hard when we have so little time with them; I mean, how much can you do in 15 minutes with these people who have been so badly hurt?" Dr. M__ responded with; "15 minutes with you, Peace, and the Spirit of God can do more than you know!" and added "I love it when people let God do the healing. We are there to tell the truth; there is one who can save, heal & deliver!
- The enemy has been telling them lies from the beginning; "You'll never be safe - you'll never have peace - and even when you DO get hurt, it's your own fault - you deserve it anyway." We are here to tell them; "You're here for a purpose: God brought you here, and when you're ready, the healing will come. Even you thinking about this is a sign that you're getting ready...."
- Then the discussion turned to the practical realm of the clinical/available approaches for PTSD (when the patient comes to the place where they are ready to talk about it):
1. The regular PTSD Therapy. (When asked; "how important is it that the person providing this therapy be a believer?" Dr. M__ responded; "that falls under general blessing; it's pretty straightforward, so you want someone who is skilled in it - not necessarily a believer.") On the other hand;
2. SOZO/Inner Healing Prayer (Salvation Healing or Deliverance). This second approach WOULD require the people leading the patient through this to be lead themselves by the Holy Spirit. In this method, 2-3 people are trained to go through this with 1 person (patient). - The jist of it, as Dr. M__ described it, was that these 2-3 people are there to help the person get down to the root lies that Satan has been telling them, to speak God's truth into that, and to invite Jesus to come in and to heal. It's "inviting them to participate in their own healing." Mostly it's about letting Jesus do the healing, though. It's not super-complicated, but very effective. When people feel forgiven, they are free to FORGIVE, which releases so much!
- Even PTSD counselors will tell their patients; "Forgiving is optional - it's nice, but it's not crucial." Dr. M__ disagrees - he says; "when people start being able to forgive, then they experience all kinds of freedom - that's when you see people not needing their medications anymore - it's so powerful!"
- He talked about the importance of both of these methods being used in tandem, and added; "counseling is good, but Inner Healing Prayer can go even deeper!
so just a little on my thoughts afterwards; i was so excited! i would LOVE to be part of this. partly on a purely selfish level - (who doesn't want more healing?), and then also to be able to participate with the healing of others. it is amazing to think of the combination of two things i feel so passionate about; counseling & prayer. the thought of God using my skills & desires NOW, in a simple and humble setting, instead of having to wait for 5 or 6 years down the road when i've finally got a counseling degree is just...awesome. i don't know if He WILL call me into this or not, but it is such a hopeful thing to realize that He can do unexpected and delightful things with my life. and i'm out...
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