how you got here

this morning was just the coolest thing ever. went to an early morning women's bible study. i don't know how many of us were packed in there; maybe 30-35? we went around the room and each person told the group the key influences/factors in their coming to Christ. it was amazing to hear how different some of our stories were. i think i love this sort of question anyway. looking back on the people and things that molded and shaped the person you are becoming today. i've done that in the past; listed the top 20 men/women in my life who had were the most influential. the exercise made me realize how much i have to be grateful for. it also makes me realize that our brief seasons in one anothers life may have lasting and permanent benefits. a little scary, no? but also really exciting. so this morning i shared two main influences (dan allender's books & people over 50 who've invested a little time in me)... on the way to work i thought of more. thought i'd list them here so i will have a record of it somewhere. here they are in no particular order. little lights along the dark path that lead me to the one whose changed my world:
* my grandmother reading the narnia series to me via cassette tapes that she'd mail to png. those stories taught me that the magic my heart longed for as a child could be found in Jesus....
* my mother reading john white's "the tower of geburah" series to us kids every night in the village. "hey, you dumb chicken, he who Gaal pardons is pardoned indeed!" still makes me cry every time i think of it.
* c.s. lewis (the great divorce, mere christianity). i saw myself in almost every character...humbling and hopeful....disturbing but inviting..
* a teacher at my high school (gail edoni) who decided to do a little bible study with two of us girls for a term or two. the bible study course we went through opened up scripture as something i could understand and something that could feed my soul if i could just figure out how to tap into it.
* this lively passionate woman who co-lead the middle-school youth group with me (inga odenwald, you know who you are). we went through fosters "celeberation of discipline" - i still remember us all kneeling with the kids in the dark, pouring out our hearts... feeling the Holy Spirit move - all the more powerful to see Him reaching such young people. our times of praying for the group ahead of time were also very intense - i could tell someone was actually there and actually listening....
* my aunt alyce; a very intelligent and thoughtful believer who also happened to love me a whole lot. i couldn't reject all authority because i couldn't deny her love for me was real and seemed to be rooted in her faith.
* my aunt joyce; long-suffering. showed me the tenderness of Christ. i really hadn't experienced a lot of that first-hand before getting to know her.
* friends; bonnie duncan in png, stephanie marshall in college
* my syblings. they have always been beacons of hope and encouragers to follow after the light instead of sucumbing to the hopelessness that seemed so attractive at times.
* michael card's lyrics & music. i used to be terrified of the old testament. he made me see that it was truly a part of the love story.
* tim keller's sermons. so much of my muddled thinking that lead to so much fear was dealt with in those sermons. the marriage series helped me to process a lot of my past family issues that had me stuck.
* grandma nita young. i can't even begin to explain here...
* sonship - and the way it changed ub & aj's lives. no denying that something very powerful was at work in the world.
* crown ministries under the loving leadership of the winters. God's tenderness and faithfulness became very real and the realiziation that the practical implications of believing Him and his word could change my life.
* returning to png after the tsunami hit to help with the rebuilding project (rob carter's incredible belief and support of our family, which was in shambles at the time). definitely a turning point there.
* most recently; aa and my trip to england with world harvest.
* no wait, more recently than that; dr. mory and his wife. their prayers changed something deep in me that needed changing and things haven't been the same since.
* people over 50 are still huge in my life; the punc's are a sweet presence and are constantly singing the siren call of the gospel into my life.
* a group of women i like to call 'my girls'.... calling me out left and right when my life sounds all right but looks all wrong...

wow. it took a LOT of people to get me where i am! i am such a miracle. i bet you are too.

blogs & the bible

okay, so let me preface this by saying that i know that the bible is powerful, living, food for my very soul..... some mornings, however, it seems like the heaviest thing in the world to open it. this was such a morning. in a dark fog, i sat down at the table to peruse a blog or two - and got caught up in stories of folks just like me; tired, bored, overwhelmed, under-awed... and i heard the themes of redemption in the midst of it. a savior bigger than our restless, drifting hearts. a story being told that captures and overturns every small sorrow and  heartache. amazing to me that God can reach me through....a blog. now i am curious to open His word and to draw near to the one who is always drawing near to me.

mining for gold

at the request of the misisonaries who took over the project of translation in our village when we left, i'm re-visiting memories of the tsunami that hit the village in '98, and writing about how the visit back to PNG the following year has impacted my life. unexpectedly hard. realizing that though the story of redemption is painted in bright colors of suffering, the picture being created is gorgeous. praying for the strenght to embrace the colors, and to let the story unfold. so glad i'm not the author. thankful for the sweet prayer of a sweet friend as i head back in. delving into heaviness knowing that there is gold here.

rainy days & forgetfulness

today is cold and rainy. i just wrote my mom about how i'm longing for a fireplace & some good book-time. i also copied down this poem for her, because i love it and it makes my heart ache a little in the best sort of way. the title is, i need not mention, is oh-so-applicable to me. thought i'd get that in before anybody else did.

Forgetfulness - Billy Collins


The name of the author is the first to go

followed obediently by the title, the plot,

the heartbreaking conclusion, the entire novel

which suddenly becomes one you have never read,

never even heard of,

as if, one by one, the memories you used to harbor

decided to retire to the southern hemisphere of the brain,

to a little fishing village where there are no phones.

Long ago you kissed the names of the nine Muses goodbye

and watched the quadratic equation pack its bag,

and even now as you memorize the order of the planets,

something else is slipping away, a state flower perhaps,

the address of an uncle, the capital of Paraguay.

Whatever it is you are struggling to remember,

it is not poised on the tip of your tongue,

not even lurking in some obscure corner of your spleen.

It has floated away down a dark mythological river

whose name begins with an L as far as you can recall,

well on your own way to oblivion where you will join those

who have even forgotten how to swim and how to ride a bicycle.

No wonder you rise in the middle of the night

to look up the date of a famous battle in a book on war.

No wonder the moon in the window seems to have drifted

out of a love poem that you used to know by heart.

*****************************

sigh. isn't that beautiful? i love how it switches from forgetting things from your lifetime, to forgetting an ancient love song that your heart used to know. it speaks of a feeling of longing for a home you've not yet been to. i believe our hearts "remember" paradise, and life can feel like one long forgetfulness - but one day, we will remember! hope this finds my mom, as well as you all, growing - hopeful - and "remembery" of the truest love-song. i am remembering the sound of tropical rain on a tin roof. my soul takes a deep breath at the echo's of that thunder.